I have this book called Grace for the Moment. It is written by Max Lucado, and I got stuck on the preface. Here, Max Lucado writes an affirmation for himself. He talks about how the day will be filled with demands, but he must make a choice. Max says that not only must he make a choice, but because of Jesus he is FREE to choose. I read the following pages, which go through Galatians 5:22-23, and they hit home with me. I took what Max had written and made it my own. I do my best to read it every day because it reminds me that I can choose.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.” Galatians 5:22-23
I CHOOSE LOVE. I cannot justify hating what God has created. I choose to love me and let others do so too. I CHOOSE JOY. I will let God be in charge of my circumstances. I will refuse to be self-critical and damaging. I will not see myself as anything less than fearfully and wonderfully made. I will refuse to see the journey ahead of me as anything less than an opportunity to see God and see good. I CHOOSE PEACE. I will live knowing God has forgiven me. I will forgive myself for what I’ve put my body through. I will forgive myself when I fail. I will not stop trying to get better, so I can live. I CHOOSE PATIENCE. I will choose to overlook the inconveniences of treatment. Instead of stressing about the changes in my body and life, I will allow them with thankfulness, because I am getting healthy. I choose to face the challenges and time consuming process with courage. I will thank God for hope. I CHOOSE KINDNESS. I will treat myself well. I will show kindness to my body by resting it and feeding it, even when I am afraid and frustrated. I refuse to beat myself up if I don’t succeed every day. I CHOOSE GOODNESS. I will be good to my body and mind. I refuse to listen to the eating disorder that tells me I am worthless and should give up. I will be honest in counseling, even if some days that means just showing up. I will get all the bad stuff out. I cannot believe the negative thoughts I have about myself, because I have a God that shows me grace. I CHOOSE FAITHFULNESS. I will keep the promise I made to myself to recover. I will trust Him in order to trust myself. I will not question God’s love for me even when I feel like a giant screwup. I refuse to fear that recovery is impossible. I believe I have a Savior who has gone before me and goes with me now. I CHOOSE GENTLENESS. I will not win this battle with force, but by standing with my feet planted in peace and confidence. I will focus on prayer and praise. I will learn to be kind to myself. I CHOOSE SELF-CONTROL. I will not punish and abuse the body I’ve been given here on earth. I refuse to let the eating disorder rule my life. I choose to control what I put in my body in order for it to be enough and healthy and helpful. I choose to continue when I want to quit. I choose to be influenced and taught only by God, not by the eating disorder.
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Every day I remind myself and try to encourage myself with this. There are days when I want to replace all these great, positive things with the negative, opposite things I know. But I have a choice. And so I do my best to choose.